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What is God Saying To Me Every Day?- Sunday School Activity

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Recently, a few friends and I planned a day camp for the kids in my church. The theme was: God Is Everywhere. Each of us were tasked to come up with an activity based on the theme. For me, I decided to design an activity that focuses on God’s words and promises in our lives but make it more personal and relatable to children. I wanted the children to feel like God is speaking directly to them, no matter where they are. I titled it, ‘What is God saying to Me Everyday?’. The children really enjoyed it. Below, I share it with you. You may want to try it out for your Sunday School children too or as a home activity. It is suitable for children age 7 to 12. For children who are not proficient at reading yet, I paired them with an adult facilitator to read the quotes for them.

Objectives and Key Messages

  1. To help children understand that God is talking to us all the time. He speaks to us through the bible, family, friends, and through his still soft voice if we ask Him to speak to us.
  2. God wants to build a relationship with us. He is curious to know everything about us.
  3. God loves us. Thus, he encourages, admonishes, disciplines, comforts, and strengthens us depending on what we need at that moment.

Set-Up and Guide

I printed out 30 quotes from God using the first person voice. You can download my list by clicking here. I then spread the quotes all around the hall space– walls, windows, in between different pews. Having the whole space peppered with God’s words represents his omnipresence.

The children then went around the hall and read all the quotes. As they read, they were instructed to draw a star on the quote that impacted them- surprised/ touched/ shocked/ intrigued them. They were also given a sheet of paper to write down 3 favourite quotes.

Quotes were peppered all around the hall space.
Facilitator reading the quote to a child who is not proficient in reading yet.

After the children came out of the church hall, they sat in groups of 4 or 5. Each group had a facilitator who invited the children to share:
a) what their 3 favourite quotes were
b) their reasons for choosing those quotes
c) something about the character of God they learnt from the things he is saying to us everyday.

The facilitators also build on the children’s responses and reinforced the 3 key messages.

Response from the Children

The children were really engaged and went around the hall several times, reading and re-reading the words God is saying to them every day. They found some amusing, some surprising and some touching. Other than stars (to show likes) a few cheeky kids even wrote responses to the quotes.
Eg. “Yoo hoo, why didn’t you just ask me for help? I’m right here.”
Response: “I forgot”.

Here are a few favourite quotes from the children.

  • “I love you so much.”
  • “Nah, I’m not busy. I’ve got time to listen to you.
  • “I know your parents stress you out. They are still learning from me too.”
  • “When is Jesus coming back? Shhhh. It’s no fun if I give the surprise away. You’ve just got to be prepared for the big prize when He comes back.”

What they learnt about God:

Many children shared that the quotes made them feel that God loves them very much. They appreciated how God wants to help them and be there for them when they face difficulties.

Reflection

I was glad to have the chance to design and try out the activity with the kids. Another activity to teach God’s omnipresence is a Science experiment, courtesy of Little Shoots Deep Roots. For the rest of the day, we played ice-breaker games, memory verse games and went on a hike to end the day. After the long pandemic where the children didn’t see each other physically for 2 years, the camp helped them rekindle friendships.

It was wonderful working with like-minded friends who cared about the spiritual development of children as well as their sense of belonging to church and initiate a day camp for them. I was reminded again that it takes a village to raise a child.

How Reading Model English Compositions Help To Improve Writing

“Why is it that my child doesn’t write well even though he reads a lot?”

As an English Language teacher, I get asked this question a lot. The assumption is that reading skills transfers directly to writing skills. However, that is not necessarily the case.

While reading widely helps to develop writing, the skills involved are different and there is a gap we need to bridge. In language learning, Reading and Listening are receptive skills (skills to understand the ideas in texts). Writing and Speaking are productive skills (skills to produce appropriate language forms). All language users have greater receptive than productive skills. We comprehend language more than we can produce language. For instance, you can read a novel but that does not mean you can write one. Another example is how you may know the theory of driving a car but it doesn’t mean you can drive one. Both writing and driving require actual practice.

A Case For Reading Model Compositions

Some parents think that making children read model essays quell their creativity. Their writing becomes unoriginal. However, model essays are only bad if we make children memorise them mindlessly and regurgitate what is written. There is a place for the use of model essays as a resource. They don’t deserve a bad name.

In school, children are typically asked to write short compositions based on a topic given. For the Singapore PSLE, the expectation is a composition length of about 150 – 200 words. That means students need to know how to write an effective introduction, story development and conclusion within the word count, under a time limit. Students need to showcase their linguistic ability in this very short composition. The best works have excellent use of vocabulary, good sequencing of events and use of punctuation.

So why is reading model compositions helpful? It is because children get exposed to the text types, style and organisation of short stories that they are expected to produce in school. How else will they know what is a good 200-word composition? You wouldn’t develop a 1000-word story the same way you would for a 200-word story. To learn how to write short compositions well, children should read good short compositions, pitched at their age level. Model essays (including stories, letters, news reports etc.) should form part of children’s extensive reading diet.

How Should Children Read Model Compositions?

There are many types of reading. We can read for pleasure, for information or for critical study (close reading) of a topic. Of course, children can read model essays for pleasure. However, to improve writing, children need to read like a writer. They need to consciously ‘notice’ the features in a good piece of writing. That means to analyse the writing.

When children read a model essay with the intention to improve their own writing, have them ask questions like:

  • how is the story’s opening, middle and ending crafted? Were they interesting?
  • which words and phrases do you like? Why?
  • What particular style or point of view (first or third person) were used in the story? Why do you think the writer chose to use this point of view?

For non-fiction writing, children can also ask:

  • What is the purpose of the writing?
  • Who is it written to? Is it formal or informal enough? (Audience)

Why ask these questions?

Other than coming up a relevant and interesting storyline, the little writer needs to make choices about how a sentence is to be constructed and which words are best in conveying his ideas. When children ask questions about how the composition is crafted, they become more sensitive to plot development and word choice over time. The ideas, structure, and vocabulary learnt from model essays can be brought to the fore and applied to children’s own writing. That said, writing is a craft. It will still take practice, lots of drafting and good teacher feedback to help hone a child’s writing skills.

I buy both English and Chinese model compositions for my children to read. Sometimes, I read and discuss the stories with them. I also encourage them to keep a log of their favourite vocabulary.

How To Nurture Writing Skills At Home?

At home, parents can nurture a love of writing by finding different avenues for children to practice writing. We can encourage our children to invent stories. Have them write a letter to grandma or a birthday card to a friend. They can write comics, poems or songs. Let them enjoy writing.

Where To Find Model Compositions

You can easily to find model essays pitched at different grade levels in bookstores focusing on educational books. Try Popular Bookstore or Times Bookstore. For non-fiction writing, many schools subscribe to magazines as part of their extensive reading programme in order to expose to children to different text types. My children’s school subscribes to ‘Xing Peng You’ (New Friends), a Chinese magazine. I subscribe to ‘Young Scientists’ too as my children love to read about Science. You can check out openschoolbag. They have a wide range of magazine titles for home subscriptions. They have both English and Chinese resources and ship internationally.

I hope you find this sharing helpful.

How to Create a Calm Down Corner at Home in 5 Simple Steps

Where does your child go when he has a melt-down? Slam the door and hide in his room? Or does he simply roll about on the floor? How do you help your child calm down?

One strategy is to use a calm down corner. A calm down corner functions as a space typically used in schools where children can go to when they need to regulate big emotions like anger or sadness, and return to a state of calm. Such a space is very useful at home too. When your child is having an angry outburst and cannot control his emotions, a calming corner has been found to be very effective in helping children calm down and process their thoughts.

Setting up a calm down corner at home is easy and inexpensive. Here is how parents can create a calm down corner at home in 5 simple steps.

(This post contains some affiliate links. If you click an affiliate link and make a purchase, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. This supports me to continue producing high-quality educational content.)

1. Pick a Quiet Location

Choose a spot where your child can be alone for a while. It can be corner in his bedroom, beneath a stairwell, or book corner. The key is to ensure your child doesn’t feel like family members are watching him. Ideally, the walls should be in neutral or light colours. Give enough space for your child to sit and stretch out. If you have the space, a table is good for them to draw on.

2. Add Furniture that Evokes Warmth and Comfort

Throw in a few plush cushions to hug, a furry mat or soft bean bag to sit on will do the trick. I have space for a little shelf where I can place favourite books, objects and toys. If there is not enough space, a basket to store calming tools will be fine too. It would be good to check with your children what furniture and things help them calm down when they get angry. My bean bag was bought at the request of my oldest.

3. Put Up Educational Visuals

Putting up visuals on walls is really useful for educating kids on how to calm down. They can be posters about identifying and processing emotions or statements of affirmation. In my children’s bedroom, their strengths board constantly remind them that they can tap on their strengths to solve problems.

via@WHOLEHearted School Counselling

Here are some visuals you can put up.

4. Add Calm Down Tools and Favourite Objects

There are many tools recommended by counsellors that help children calm down. Many are sensory tools where children can touch and hold to divert their attention from big emotions to something tactile and calming. Here are some popular ones you can put in a basket or box.

Other than the recommended items, we can include a few of their favourite items in the calming basket too. For my son, they would be his pokemon figurines, angry bird stuffy and hand-held fan. This is a space to trigger happy thoughts and feelings afterall.

5. Teach Your Child About Calming Down

Teaching our children how to calm down is the most important and final step. Then, our children can use the space effectively. A calm down corner is meant to help children self-regulate their big emotions. Here are three essential things to teach so our children know what to do when Mummy asks them to go to the calm down corner for 5mins.

a) Deep breathing techniques. This the single most useful strategy to immediately calm down, whether the child is throwing tantrums or going through a melt-down. To teach how to do it, here is a video to watch together and have the child follow along the beat. You can stop the video at any cycle you wish.

b) Identifying and processing their emotions. With limited vocabulary, children often have difficulty expressing what they feel and why they feel that way. We can use picture books to teach them emotion words (angry, frustrated, disappointed, sad) and what they mean. We can also teach them to explain the incident by visualising a friend who witnessed it and retell what happened.

c) Teach them things they can do to calm down as shown in the ‘Feeling Angry’ Checklist above. I also make it clear that violence is not allowed. So no matter how angry one child is towards siblings– no hitting. Instead they can punch a cushion if they really need to release their pent up anger.

Observing your child’s reactions and responding to his needs through some experimentation is really the best calming strategy. When my son was younger, he sometimes hid under the table when he got really angry at dinner time or go behind a bedroom door. That was how I first learned the need to provide a safe and quiet space for him to calm down.

If we are out and he has an angry outburst, I would look for whatever spot is the quietest and bring him there. I used to try and hug him but he would push me away. That was how I learned that he didn’t want to be touched when he was very angry. I also learned that he needs at least 10mins of alone time before he would talk and open up about why he got so angry.

Final Thoughts

A calm down corner is not only a great space to help children with emotional self-regulation, it is also great for bed-time reading or resting after a tiring day at school. So it would be nice for every home to set up one. At my home, I think my kids see it purely as a cozy corner for some me-time when they need. They love to read and doodle in that space.

What other things do you find suitable in a calming corner? I would like to hear your suggestions in the comment box below too.

35 Things Kids Can Be Grateful For: Gratitude Prompts

Hi there.

You probably already know that exercising gratitude helps us become happier, more optimistic and more resilient in times of difficulties. Positive Psychology research has found many benefits of cultivating gratitude. And yes. Being grateful is a behaviour that can be learnt. So for some time now, I have made it a bedtime ritual for my children and I to share something we are thankful for to cultivate gratitude as a family. There are so many things kids can be grateful for but kids may struggle with it because they don’t know exactly what to be grateful about. They say, “Hm, nothing special happened today”, or something generic like, “Everything went well”.

Over time, I’ve broken things down into categories to help my kids be specific about what they can be grateful for and add variety to our sharing. The thing is, we don’t have to be grateful for only big life changing events. Small things matter too, like an ordinary and peaceful day where nothing bad happened. Even if bad things happen, they can be turned into something good. We can help our kids look for that positive in a bad experience. Perhaps it is how they learn to overcome a challenge. Or how things could have been worse.

(This post may have some affiliate links. If you click an affiliate link and make a purchase, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. This supports me to continue producing high-quality educational content for parents. )

Here’s my list of gratitude prompts (by categories) you can use with your kids.

31 Gratitude Prompts (By Categories)

  1. (Events that are joyful, meaningful, even ordinary) What is something good that happened to you today/ this week?
  2. (People) Who is one person you are grateful for? What about your teacher are you thankful for?
  3. (Things in the house) What thing/ invention in the house can’t you do without?
  4. (Books) Which books/ stories do you love and why?
  5. (Transportation: car, bikes, planes etc.) What mode of transport has really helped you? What about the family car are you thankful for?
  6. (School: people, activities and facilities) What about school are you thankful for? What is your favourite place in school?
  7. (All creatures big and small) Which animal do you find most useful to man? Which animal are you glad God created?
  8. (The Universe) Which is your favourite planet? What do you find amazing about the solar system?
  9. (Weather) What weather do you like? What are rainy days great for?
  10. (Occupations: all walks of life) What can you thank construction workers/ nurses/ scientists/ engineers for?
  11. (Places/ Geography: cities, mountains, forests etc.) Which countries would you like to visit? Which was your favourite vacation destination?
  12. (Food) Which foods are really important to you? In your view, what is the best dish created in this world?
  13. (Body and being alive!) Which body part of yours do you appreciate?
  14. (Personality traits) What personality trait of yours do you like?
  15. (Your Country)What about your country do you appreciate? Eg. places, people, culture
  16. (Toys and Games) What toy/game brings you most fun? Which toy are you most thankful for?
  17. (Struggles/ Bad things: there can be a silver lining!) What was something hard you experienced? What is something you have learnt from a bad experience?
  18. (Shops and Services) Which is your favourite shop in the neighbourhood? Which shop will you miss if it is gone?
  19. (Talents) What is a talent of yours God has given you? What is something you are good at that you can be proud of?
  20. (History) Which person in the past are you really grateful for? Which event in the past are you really glad took place?
  21. (Art) What is an art or craft activity that has brought you much joy? Which artist/ dancer has really inspired you?
  22. (Languages) What are some interesting languages to you? What is great about the language you speak?
  23. (Nature and Plants) What plants are you grateful for? Which is your favourite flower?
  24. (Natural phenomenons- give examples) What are some natural things that occur in the world you find amazing? Eg. Fire, Gravity, Lightning, Volcanic Eruptions etc. What do you like about rainbows?
  25. (Free things) What are some free things you get to enjoy? Eg. Fresh air, the smell of pancakes and the nearby playground.
  26. (Colours) How would you feel if the world has only black and white? Which colour makes you feel happy?
  27. (Music) What would the world be like if there is no music? Which songs/ singers are you thankful for?
  28. (Shows and Movies) Which show/ programme has taught you a lot of things? What show/programme did you enjoy most?
  29. (Stationery) Which pen/marker/ stationery do you love? Which stationery has helped you the most?
  30. (Activities) What activities are you glad you can do? Which sport are you really glad to have in this world?
  31. (Inventions) What is the best invention in this world? Which invention can’t you live without?
  32. (Changes) What change in your life are you glad for? Which change in your life has taught you something valuable?
  33. (Memories) What is your favourite memory? What is your proudest moment? Which kind act do you remember most?
  34. (Money and Work) What about Daddy’s and Mummy’s jobs are you thankful for? What is something recent you buy that you are grateful to have?
  35. (Privileges) What is the special thing you get to do/ can do now that you are older? Is there something you appreciate that Daddy and Mummy allow you to do that your siblings can’t do?

Final Note

I hope these 35 categories offer you some inspiration. For kids above 7 and able to write, you may want to try getting them to keep a gratitude journal as well. Journal writing is also good for promoting reflection and self-examination.

If you want to use books to inspire kids to show gratefulness, check out my post on books that teach gratitude and other important values. Do you have other categories or interesting gratitude prompts? Share with me in the comment box below. I’d love to hear from you.

Fantastic Books That Teach Children Important Values

I love reading books that teach important values to my children. Firstly, the moral is less preachy than if the it came from me. Secondly, picture books have beautiful illustrations that make the story more appealing to children. Thirdly, books offer a springboard for discussion about many other aspects of life– cultural context the story is set in, the lead character’s struggle and personality, problem-solving etc. By reading these books, children get to see the values in action and think about right and wrong choices the characters make.

Here is a curated list of fantastic books that teach 7 of the most important values I think all children should learn in their pre-school years. They are: Honesty, Kindness, Respect, Responsibility, Bravery, Generosity and Gratefulness. Many are teachers’ and parents’ picks. If you are building a home library or getting gifts for little kiddos, consider these books. The kids will love reading and re-reading them. They are all suitable for age 3 to about 8 years old.

(This post contains affiliate links. If you click an affiliate link and make a purchase, I earn a small commission which supports this blog so that I can continue to provide great educational tips at no additional cost to you.)

HONESTY

The Empty Pot, by Demi

The Empty Pot is a beloved classic about how a Chinese emperor looks for the person with the right character to be his successor. He gave every child in his kingdom a flower seed and held a contest where the child who grew the most beautiful flowers would be his successor. On the final day, many children came to him with beautiful flowers.

There was a boy, Ping who loved flowers. He planted his seed and tended it every day. But month after month passed, and nothing grew. He went to the emperor, embarrassed at the empty pot he brought. Yet, Ping was declared the winner. Lovely book that teaches the value of integrity.

Betty Bunny Didn’t Do It, by Michael Kaplan and Stephane Jorisch

Have a child who blames everyone else, the weather, and all other circumstances when things go wrong? Betty Bunny Didn’t Do It’ teaches kids to take personal responsibility when they make a mistake. When Betty Bunny breaks a lamp, she has a brand-new idea to get out of trouble: blame it on someone else (like the Tooth Fairy)!

Then a vase gets broken and Betty Bunny really didn’t do it. But now no one in her family believes her. Honest lies, white lies, crying wolf—explore the consequences of telling lies and how it destroys trust.

Ruthie and the (Not So) Teeny Tiny Lie, by Laura Rankin

Have a child who twists a tale in order to keep a friend’s toy as his own or get out of trouble? Use Ruthie and the (Not So) Teeny Tiny Lie to explain truth versus lie. An amusing and relatable story about a fox, Ruthie who loves little things. So when she finds a teeny tiny camera on the school playground one afternoon, she can hardly believe her luck. She wants to keep the camera, but there’s one little problem: It isn’t hers.

Rankin addresses a common playground issue through the thoroughly believable behavior of her little fox. She shows a full range of emotional responses, from exhilarating happiness to denial, lying, guilt, embarrassment and finally remorse.

KINDNESS

The Cool Bean, by Jory John and Pete Oswald

What makes a kid cool? Great at music, sports, or art?

The Cool Bean is incredible book that teaches kids it is cooler to be kind. At school, there’s the cool beans, and there’s the uncool has-bean. One bean tries everything he can to fit in with the cool crowd– until one day, the cool beans show him that it is kindness that makes one cool. And anyone can be kind. A witty story that deals with self-image and personal qualities that truly matter when it comes to winning friends. This book is a New York Times Bestseller. (More suitable for 4 and above.)

How Full Is Your Bucket? For Kids, by Tom Rath

How Full Is Your Bucket? uses the bucket as a metaphor for life. Each of us has an invisible bucket. When our bucket is full, we feel great. When it’s empty, we feel awful. When we fill our bucket with kindness, what comes out in our words and actions will be kind too.

In the story, Felix begins to see how every interaction in a day either fills or empties his bucket. He learns how easy it can be to fill the buckets of his classmates, teachers and family members. Before the day is over, Felix learns to be a great bucket filler, and in the process, discovers that filling someone else’s bucket also fills his own. Kids can follow Felix along and learn how to be kind to others.

Kindness is my Superpower: A children’s Book About Empathy, Kindness and Compassion (My Superpower Books), By Alicia Ortego

Full of simple ways to show kindness, Kindness Is My Superpower is one of the best social-emotional learning book for raising kind children. Little superhero Lucas learns what kindness means and what it is like to be kind, sensitive, caring, and generous.

This charming story with catchy rhymes and colorful illustrations will explain to your child that it is okay to make a mistake and say I’m sorry. Want to teach your child good manners and positive behaviour at home, at school, in the store, and on the playground? Then this is the book for you.

A Sick Day for Amos McGee, by Philip C. Stead and Erin Stead

A Caldecott Medal winner, A Sick Day for Amos McGee shows kids that kindness begets kindness. At the zoo, zookeeper Amos McGee spends time with each of his animal friends everyday, running races with the tortoise, keeping the shy penguin company, and even reading bedtime stories to the owl. One day, Amos is too sick to turn up at the zoo and his animal friends decide it is time they return the favor and visit Amos McGee instead.

I think the book also shows how we can show gratitude for the kindness we have received.

Hey, Little Ant, by Phillip M Hoose, Hannah Hoose and Debbie Tiley

To squish or not to squish? Hey Little Ant shows a conversation between a little girl and and a tiny ant when she is about to step on the ant and kill it. Does an ant deserve our kindness? It is an adorable story about being kind to animals both big and small.

A teacher’s pick that has entertained thousands of children and challenged them to think about kindness to humans, animals and even the environment.

RESPECT

My Mouth Is A Volcano, by Julia Cook

Told from Louis’ perspective, this story provides parents and teachers an entertaining way to teach children the value of respecting others by listening and waiting for their turn to speak. My Mouth Is A Volcano takes an empathetic approach to address a common habit of children who are eager to talk and interrupt others.

The book also teaches children a witty technique to help them manage their rambunctious thoughts and words.

Do Unto Otters: A Book About Manners, by Laurie Keller

Do Unto Otters is an excellent book that covers all bases about what Respect means by using the golden rule: treat others the same way you would like others to treat you. It describes what respect and good manners look like and sound like in daily life– when to say hello, please, thank you, excuse me, I’m sorry etc.

Adorable, smart and playful story-telling using a rabbit who wonders if he will get along with his new Otter neighbours. All kids will love this book and find the principles easy to understand.

A Little Respectful SPOT: A Story About Respecting People, Places, and Things (Inspire to Create A Better You!), by Diane Alber

I love how A Little Respectful SPOT gives easy to understand definitions of what Respect means and how children can show it in daily lives. Join a cute little yellow SPOT as he shows all the different ways to be respectful to people, places and things. Being RESPECTFUL tells people you not only care about them but you also care about yourself too! With fun illustrations, children will be able to see actual scenarios that they are in everyday! From being polite, to respecting personal space and property, these lessons will help children thrive in school and at home.

What If Everybody Did That?, by Ellen Javernick and Colleen Madden

If you drop just one soda can out the window, it’s no big deal…right? But what if everybody did that? What if everybody broke the rules…and spoke during story time, didn’t wash up, or splashed too much at the pool? Then the world would be a mess. What If Everybody Did That? uses humorous illustrations to answer these questions in a child-friendly way and show the consequences of thoughtless behavior.

Parents can add other scenarios of their own to extend the conversation, like what if everybody pluck a flower from the bush or leave their tap running? It is a nice way of getting children to think about environmental protection and sustainability too.

RESPONSIBILITY

The Pigeon Wants a Puppy, by Mo Willems

All children need to learn to take responsibility for their toys, their belongings, and their homework when they go to school. What more a pet? That comes with huge responsibilities. In The Pigeon Wants a Puppy, Pigeon speaks to the reader directly and promises that he’ll take really good care of the puppy by watering it once a month. He really, really, REALLY wants a puppy. Pigeon gets emotional when he concludes that you don’t want him to have a puppy.

A relatable story that reflects how kids throw tantrums when they don’t get the things they want. It is a great book to help children think through the responsibilities they must undertake when they ask for something.

But It’s Not My Fault (Responsible Me), by Julia Cook

Teach children to stop making excuses and blaming others when they make mistakes. Elementary school kids will identify with Noodle as he makes one excuse after another for his behavior and choices that lead to unwanted consequences.

In But It’s Not My Fault, Noodle thinks it just isn’t his fault that his brother’s game ran late, and he didn’t finish his homework. Or that his mom forgot to remind him to turn in his library book. By learning to accept responsibility, he finds instead how to use mistakes as opportunities for problem-solving and to turn negatives into positives.

Included at the end of the storybook are tips for parents and educators for conquering the blame game. Julia Cook has other books in the ‘Responsible Me’ series all great for school-going kids– The Procrastinator, Badtitude etc. Check them out.

What Should Danny Do? (The Power to Choose Series), by Adir Levy, Ganit Levy and Mat Sadler

What Should Danny Do? is a clever, interactive book that is written in a ‘Choose Your Own Story’ Style. It empowers kids to make positive choices while demonstrating the natural consequences to negative choices. The book contains 9 fun stories and follows Danny, a Superhero-in-Training, through his day as he encounters choices that kids face on a daily basis. Highly relatable scenarios at home, in school, with siblings etc. As children navigate through the different story lines, they will begin to realize that their choices for Danny shapes his day into what it becomes. And in turn, their choices for themselves will shape their days, and ultimately their lives, into what they will be.

Great book for teaching children to take personal responsibility for their choices. A must-have on every family’s bookshelf.

The Little Red Hen, by Paul Galdone

The Little Red Hen is a timeless and classic tale that teaches ‘you reap what you sow’– and a cautionary tale for lazy ones. It follows a little red hen who needs help to plant some wheat. She asks various friends– a cat, a dog and a mouse– for help but none of them wants to. So she did everything herself, including harvesting and baking a cake. In the end, she gets to eat the cake all by herself as well!

The book can be used to discuss with children what it means to be responsible at home and in school. When the little kiddos start formal schooling, they need to learn that hard work and effort are important in getting results they want.

Even Superheroes Make Mistakes (Superheroes Are Just Like Us), by Shelley Becker

A humorous and appealing book that teaches children to move on and make amends when they make mistakes. To err is human and Even Superheroes Make Mistakes.

When superheroes mess up, what do they do? Do they say, “It’s not FAIR?” or give up in despair? NO! “Ashamed Superheroes who goofed up somehow . . . First STOP . . . then CONSIDER what’s best to do now.”  Learn the process these superheroes take when they nab the wrong guy by mistake or bash into a planet while zooming through space. There are so many great principles to learn in this book– all of us can overcome adversity; no mistake is too big to solve; even as we take responsibility, be kind to ourselves.

BRAVERY

Courage, by Bernard Weber

There are so many things we can teach children about what being brave means. This book, Courage gives a good description to the many different types of courage, from big things like a firefighter rescuing people to small, ordinary things like “being the first to make up after an argument,” or “going to bed without a nightlight.” Bernard Weber celebrates the moments, both big and small, and brings out the hero in each of us.

My children often ask to reread this book. It is a good book to explore courage as an abstract concept and helps children understand that every challenge they overcome, like riding a bike or saying hello to someone new can be showing courage.

The Lion Inside

How do we inspire our kids to overcome their fears? The Lion Inside is a funny story of role reversals. It shows a mouse who feels small and insecure. To feel brave, he thinks that what he needs to do is learn how to roar like a lion. When he approaches a lion to learn how, he finds out that the link is actually afraid of mice! The mouse comforts the lion, they become friends, and we learn that there’s a lion and a mouse inside all of us.

The inspiring text by Rachel Bright has a flowing rhyme, is fun to read and teaches young children that all of us have fears. However, we can learn to overcome them and live out our dreams.

Scaredy Squirrel, by Melanie Watt

Scaredy Squirrel speaks to the child who worries excessively and thinks of the worst that can happen in daily life. In this hilarious story, Scaredy Squirrel never leaves his nut tree. It’s way too dangerous out there. He could encounter tarantulas, green Martians or killer bees. He prepares all kinds of things in the event that he encounters danger- antibacterial soap, Band-Aids, parachute, and even exit plans. But one day, when he accidentally falls out of his tree, he discovers that he can fly! The thrill and joy he feels start him on new adventures.

Sometimes, we let our fears stop us from trying new things and living life fully. This is a great book to show kids the importance of stepping out of their comfort zone.

The Kissing Hand (The Kissing Hand Series), by Audrey Penn

The Kissing Hand is a heartwarming classic that has touched the lives of millions of children and their parents, especially at times of separation, whether starting school, entering daycare, or going to camp.

Chester Raccoon is afraid of going to forest school. To help ease Chester’s fears, Mrs. Raccoon shares a family secret called the Kissing Hand to give him the reassurance of her love any time his world feels a little scary. Instead of brushing off their fears, this book teaches parents to view their children’s fears with empathy, compassion and understanding. Love is the way to help our children overcome fears. There are stickers at the back to help children and their parents keep their Kissing Hand alive.

GENEROSITY

The Mine-O-Saur, by Sudipta Bardhan-Quallen and David H. Clark

Do you have a kid who finds it difficult to share? In school, Mine-O-Saur snatches all the toys. He grabs all the snacks at snack time. He hoards the blocks during recess. And all the while he yells, “MINE, MINE, MINE!” Soon enough, no one wants to play with him.

Follow Mine-O-Saur as he realizes that playing is no fun when he is all alone. What he really wants is friends. A popular book with young readers on the importance of sharing.

The Quiltmaker’s Gift, by Jeff Brumbeau and Gail de Marcken

In The Quiltmaker’s Gift, a wise quiltmaker makes the most beautiful quilts in the world – but she will give them only to those who have nothing. When a rich, dissatisfied king insists that she give him one of her quilts, she agrees to give him one only if he can meet a condition: to give away all he owns. After much resistance, he finally gives away his possessions one by one to people in his kingdom. He is surprised to find that the more he gives away, the happier he is.

Finally, when the king has nothing, the quiltmaker gives him the promised quilt. By then, the king has learned that giving brings more joy than receiving. This heartwarming tale has won numerous awards and support the value of generosity.

The Giving Tree, By Shel Silverstein

A classic and well loved book, The Giving Tree is a poignant and moving story about unconditional giving. It tells of a tree who loves a boy that goes to the tree everyday to eat her apples, swing from her branches, or slide down her trunk to play. But as the boy grows older, he begins to want more from the tree. Gradually, the tree gives the boy her apples, her branches, and her trunk until she is only a stump.

My children loves this book. It has opened up discussions not just about what true giving means, but also about appreciation, human greed, and even environmental protection. Every child should read this book!

GRATEFULNESS

Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?, By Dr Seuss

Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are? is an uplifting book for any child who may be going through a rough patch. What is Dr Seuss’s message?–keep looking for things and circumstances we can be grateful for. Strengthening gratitude has been proven to build optimism and resilience. And Dr Seuss’s irrepressible optimism in this story will certainly encourage readers.

In the book, he describes a variety of horrible situations that we can be grateful we are not in. With his trademark rhymes and signature illustrations, readers will, without a doubt, realize just how lucky they truly are. This book is a good reminder not just for kids but adults as well.

An Awesome Book Of Thanks!, By Dallas Clayton

Lovely book that reminds us to be thankful for the little things in life. In An Awesome Book Of Thanks!, the narrator says ‘thank you’ to the sun, food, trains, books and more. The book also shows appreciation for creation, new inventions, and even how bad things can turn out to be good.

I like how this book teaches children to be intentional in listing things, places, people and events to be thankful for.

It Could Always Be Worse: A Yiddish Folk Tale, by Margot Zemach

Have a child who complains his room is too small or that he doesn’t have enough toys? Use this hilarious book to teach the value of gratefulness. It Could Always Be Worse tells of a man who considered himself unfortunate for having to live with his mother, his wife, and his six children in a one-room hut. Because they were so crowded, the children often fought and the man and his wife argued. When the poor man was unable to stand it any longer, he ran to the Rabbi for help. The Rabbi gave him the strange advice of taking some animals into the hut.

As he followed the Rabbi’s unlikely advice, the poor man’s life went from bad to worse, with increasingly uproarious results. In the end, the man learns the value of contentment as things could always be worse.


I hope your kids will enjoy these books. If you know of other good books that teach values, do share with me in the comment box as well!

The Best Open-Ended Toys For Children

Children don’t need a lot of toys to keep them happy and engaged. By investing in some high-quality open-ended toys, children will find many hours of fun while learning problem-solving and communication skills at the same time. In an article for the National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC), Professor Trawick-Smith shares that ‘Basic is better’. His studies found that the highest-scoring toys so far have been quite simple: hardwood blocks, a set of wooden vehicles and road signs, and classic wooden construction toys.

Open-ended toys are toys that can be played in multiple ways, depending on the child’s imagination. They encourage creativity and exploration. Because these toys can be used in so many ways, they can grow with the child. Children can enjoy them for many years. As I have 3 children, this has brought me great economies of scale since one set of toys benefit all of them. These toys are classic and timeless, well worth the investment. This is my curated list of the best open-ended toys for ages 3 and above, after checking recommendations and comparing products. They are also based on what my children and my friends’ children enjoyed. If you read to the end, you will learn about my shopping philosophy too.

(This post contains affiliate links. If you click an affiliate link and make a purchase, I earn a small commission which keeps this blog going so that I can continue to provide great content at no additional cost to you.)

Building and Construction

  • Lego. Is there any kid who doesn’t like Lego? A standard set offers many types of pieces for creative construction. You can add extra pieces, car wheels and characters later on to build your whole city.
  • Marble Run. Really fun for kids to build tall structures and see marbles roll down. More suitable for the child who is no longer putting things into the mouth.

    Magnetic Tiles
    Magnetic Tiles are really cool and I would recommend getting the largest set you can afford so that your kids have enough pieces to create fantastic structures. Then, you won’t need to spend more money buying extension sets.  It’s a worthwhile investment as they are really durable.
  • Magna Tiles. Most popular among parents. Easier for little hands to hold compared to Magformers. It can stack upwards as the bottom of the tile is flat. Go for this if your child is still putting things into his mouth. Magna Tiles is made of 100% non-toxic plastic. Piccasso does not have such certification yet.
  • Magformers. Good for the child that needs more guidance on what they can build because Magformers offer many free educational resources and construction ideas (See picture below). My oldest was 4 when I bought Magformers so those instructional guides were really useful. 8 years on, my youngest child is now starting to enjoy the set of Magformers.  My top pick is the Magformers 100-pieces Inspire Set.
  • Picasso Tiles. Choose Picasso if your child loves to build elaborate constructions and large shapes. They have stronger magnetic connection compared to Magna Tiles. Cheapest among the 3 brands too.  
  • Earth Tiles. These are magnetic tiles made of wood sustainably sourced.
Magna Tiles guides

Wooden Blocks

  • The Melissa & Doug set comprises of 60 natural finished, smooth sanded hardwood. Really stable even when you build tall structures.
  • If your child likes colourful things, then go for coloured blocks. The blocks in this set are a little lighter than the Melissa & Doug which can be easier for smaller kids to handle.
  • Rainbow Stacker. Makes a great gift. Fun addition to the wooden blocks as you can make arches over the towers.

Fort Building

  • Fort Magic. Solid set that can build amazing structures. Definitely one of the best in the market if your child likes to create their own secret hideouts. Due to its size and weight, I feel it is more suitable for age 7 and above.
  • Obuby Kids Fort Building Kit. This is good as a starter kit for younger children (4-5 years old) to handle as the sticks are light. However, that also means it is not as sturdy as the Fort Magic.
  • Get some scarves to cover the fort structure. If you are willing to splurge, get these silk scarves. Very comfortable on the skin. For a more affordable option, get the Kizihaus scarves which is made of polyester. Scarves are really useful as you can use them for other pretend play.
     

Pretend Play

Pretend play toys bring kids into the world of chefs, doctors, farmers etc. They are great for developing imagination and conversations where kids can learn and use technical vocabulary.

Kitchen Play

  • This Play Food set is award winning. Superb quality. Some cheap plastic food toys get flattened or chipped easily. My kids like to chop vegetables. So this Food cutting set offers good value for money. With 73 pieces to play with, I don’t mind if a few get damaged and thrown away. It’s also a popular brand among parents.
  • Pots and Pans. Made of stainless steel, durability is a given. This set will last for years.
  • Wooden Play Kitchen. Sturdy, high quality wood and compact design that won’t take up too much space in your room.
  • Plastic Play Kitchen. Also very popular in reviews and more affordable compared to wooden sets.

IKEA has lovely kitchen playsets and toys too. Check out your local store.

Animals

  • For animal figurines, Schleich is highly rated. They have realistic figurines and are perfect as gifts. Alternatively, go for Terra by Battat. Much more affordable than Schleich and also popular. You won’t feel the pain if your child loses an animal in the park.

    Construction Tool Sets
  • The Kidzlane Tool Set is made of super strong plastic, making it one of the most durable in the market. It has really realistic tool functions, especially the pretend drill. The set is made of gender neutral colours and comes with storage case. 
  • iBase Toy Kids Tool Set. This is an all rounder in terms of quality, realistic features and number of pieces. However, it is currently not in stock on Amazon.

    Workbench
  • For wood ones, go for the award winning Master Workbench by Hape. It is extremely well made. The little groves really teach kids to use screws, bolts, gears and more for creative building.
  • For the best plastic option, my favourite is Toy Choi’s Workbench. The strength of this set it that it has an impressive 83 pieces to play with. Great value for money and the plastic is of good quality.

Play Sets

  • Farm House. If you already own Lego duplo, you can also get their barn set so you can build a more extensive farm with existing pieces. That’s what my kids did.
  • Wooden Barn. Well-liked by parents because it is portable, easy to store and clean.
  • Dollhouse. Forget the plastic ones. Made of wood, this Kidcraft dollhouse is sturdy and can last for years. It has a gliding elevator, lamp that lights up, toilet and piano makes sounds. I’ve had mine for 5 years and all the parts are still working. I like the compact size too compared to the rest. Kidcraft have smaller doll houses in other designs too.
  • Doctors Kit. The Kidzlane kit has devices with sound effects that kids will love. The cell phone features a range of exciting tones, and the stethoscope produces an authentic real-life heartbeat and coughing sound. If you don’t like electronic parts, get the Melissa and Doug set. It has 25 pieces to play with, which is more than typical sets in the market.
My daughter playing with the doll house.

Transportation Toys

  • For trains sets, the IKEA set is really pretty and affordable. For something fancier, opt for the Kidcraft Bucket Top Mountain Train Set.  It has more pieces than the IKEA set to play with. I also love the track that goes up a mountain.
  • For car sets, Hot Wheels is unbeatable. The City Ultimate Garage is my top pick. With multiple tracks, garage and a T-Rex all in one set, this will inspire many hours of scenario planning and play. If you have an adrenaline junkie, go for Hot Wheels Corkscrew Crash Track. It even comes with 3 high-speed boosters to watch those cars fly into the air and crash. You can always get some extension tracks later on to build your F1 city.
  • If you are looking for a wood vehicles set, definitely get the Melissa & Doug. The pieces are easy to maneuver and are suitable for younger kids.

My Toy Shopping Philosophy

Durability

I prefer to buy the original toys instead of cheaper imitation because they are made of better material and more durable. However, if there are extension sets to the original from other companies, I don’t mind buying them.

Priority and Budget

Money is finite so I need to prioritise what toys to get. The toys I have at home are accumulated slowly over the years. I buy toys for my children twice a year—on birthdays and Christmas. It also helps me keep to my yearly toy budget and limit the number of toys I buy. Typically, I look at the most educational toys suitable for their age, then see which would best match their interest at that point in time. In my research, I look into the material used, price and features before choosing the best that I can afford. I also go for range and buy different categories of toys such as construction toys, art or pretend play. For instance, once I have decided on a set of magnetic tiles, I will not buy another type of magnetic tiles. Instead, I will choose a different toy category the next time I buy toys.

Impact on Children’s Values

As I only buy toys on birthdays and Christmas, my children have learnt not to expect toys at other times of the year. I want to teach them self-control, responsible decision making, thrift, and contentment with what they have. When my children grew older and have a desire for more toys, I teach them the principle of prioritizing. Which toy do they want more badly and which toy can wait for? Which one is more value for money? They do the research online themselves and let me know what to get. Such research is educational. When they start having pocket money and wish to get an extra small toy, they save up themselves or work for it.

I think toys are necessary for a child’s development. However, we should not spoil them with too many toys. The whole process of selecting and buying toys can offer many teachable moments about financial literacy and positive values. I hope this post has simplified your decision-making process in toy shopping. If you have great toy recommendations, do share with me too.

The Right Expectation To Set For My Child In School

My daughter S, is taking the high stakes Primary School Leaving Exam, aka the PSLE this year. It is the nationwide exam that all twelve-year-olds take in Singapore to ascertain their academic ability. The results will determine the type of courses and Secondary schools they are eligible for. Parents and children are stressed about the PSLE because the Secondary school course the children qualify for, to a large extent, determines their future educational and career options. Naturally, all parents want their children to go to the best schools possible. However, what is the right expectation to set for our children?

My husband and I both attended very good Secondary schools and went on to stable professional careers. So I would be lying if I say I do not have high expectations of my children to get good school grades. Other than my own desire, part of the stress about my children’s academic performance come from the belief that family and friends expect my husband and I to produce top scorers.

I pay close attention to school work. But alas. S has never distinguished herself academically. When she was younger, coaching her for her spelling tests would make my husband pull his hair out. She often forgot to do her homework and I received frequent calls from her teachers about her tardiness. A dreamy child, she was happier building castles in the air than doing Math questions. I needed to check in on her regularly to ensure she was focusing on her homework. My husband and I were often exasperated at how slow she was and how little she could complete in one day.

Parenting is very much like a Science experiment where you keep tweaking the variables to get the best results. Over the years, I learnt and applied my knowledge as a teacher to help S with her studies. I tackled S from different angles- heart, mind, soul and environment. When one motivational strategy didn’t work, I tried another. I taught her study skills and signed her up for extra tuition classes. I kept improving on the home space, tweaking room layout or adding visual reminders, to give her a more conducive learning environment.

To put it simply, my husband and I tried our best to help her reach her potential. At this point, 5 months to the D date, S is not bad but not great either. We certainly see no sign of top school material yet. I am nervous for S, but I also check myself regularly to see if I’m putting too much pressure on her, whether my expectations are fair and if my intentions are selfish.

I ask myself: “Is obtaining certain grades important because it reflects my success as a parent or am I afraid of feeling guilty that I have not done enough?” This is a year of soul searching and understanding my role in my daughter’s studies.

Am I supporting my daughter well?

A few days ago, I had a heart-to-heart conversation with S. I asked her what she thought about the amount of effort she put into her studies. To my surprise, she said that she was doing her best. She felt she could do better, but at this point, her school grades were as good as she could get. I also asked her if Daddy and Mummy have supported her sufficiently or given her too much pressure. She assured me that we have done enough and the rest was up to her.

I’ve always thought that she was too laid-back and not putting in much effort. Her replies made me rethink the way she learns. During homework time, whenever I found her tinkling on the piano or looking for snacks, I thought she was avoiding work. However, 30mins of work was all she could concentrate for, even though 30 mins was a very short time to me.

While the desire to be the best drives me to strive for good results, that is not my daughter’s motivation. She is motivated more by pursuing new knowledge that feeds her curiosity about the world. She loves pop quiz questions like, ‘Which is the largest forest in the world?’ and ‘What is the most common gas on planet Earth?’. When she wants to learn how to draw anime character, she will google search tutorials herself and learn from them.

Every child can learn.

Every child wants to learn and succeed.

S wants to do well, but she is not the type to spend all the time studying and give up on her hobbies to chase the elusive A. She wants to pursue something that allows more room for creativity in future. She knows the importance of her academic work and is putting in daily effort, just not as much effort as I would like. She continues to devour 3 novels a week and play with digital art, even though I think they take up too much of her time. But without her books and art, she wilts.

Upon reflection, I realised that it is my expectations of her that needs adjusting.  She is who she is—her intellectual, emotional, genetic make-up and all.

Impact of Parental Expectations

It is good to set high expectations of our children. Research shows that having high expectations signals to our children that we think highly of their capabilities. It shows that we care about them. This can build their confidence and achievement orientation.

Parental expectations are harmful when they are not attuned to our children’s interests, talents or tendencies. They can cause excessive stress and esteem issues when children don’t meet out expectations. With statistics showing an increase in anxiety and stress among youths, I am grateful that my daughter is not stressed about her PSLE. Cool as a cucumber, she feels that being excessively stressed is bad as it will make her lose the ability to think clearly. I must have done something right along the way in providing a warm home environment, for S remains cheerful and happy every day (in a supposedly stressful year), taking the large amount of homework and frequent assessments in stride.

Excessively high expectations may even blind us to the progress of our children. When I look back, I could see how much S has grown. She is much better at managing her time now. She has become more organised and responsible about completing her work. She is aware of her weaknesses and is working on them. Academically, she has improved tremendously. I should celebrate her progress instead of feeling disappointed that she has not reached the goals I wished for her.

A healthier mindset to deal with academic expectations

This year, I want to practice what I preach— aim for progress and not perfection. This is a healthier mindset not just in dealing with academic performance but all things we want to do well in life. Stress comes when we try to compare ourselves with others. I’m an imperfect mother. My daughter is an imperfect child. What is important is that we constantly learn to do better, not to measure up to an arbitrary yardstick that society defines as successful. I want to learn to nurture my daughter better based on her talents, aspirations and tendencies. My daughter’s worth and my worth is not defined by our achievements but by our character. I also want to stop judging my parenting ability based on others’ expectations of me or my child.

Nevertheless, as a parent, I’m still the home coach walking this PSLE journey with her. I continue to encourage her, set goals with her, track results, formulate action plans, and push her. However, the focus is on finding improvement continually, not chasing a final grade.

This post is a reminder to myself that in parenting, I need to take the long view. As long as she builds good character, develops the right mindsets, and does her best in school, success will come her way, however she defines it in future. As for me, setting the right expectations will help me to be a happier and more relaxed mummy.

Below is a poster on the 5 key expectations I set for my children with regard to school.

What are some positive expectations you set for your children? Do share with me. I believe that connecting with other parents helps us learn and grow in our parenting journey.

Divergent Thinking Games For The Long Car Ride

When you take a long car ride with your children, do complaints of boredom and arguing siblings stress you out? I do. So before my family goes on a road trip, I would plan and pack in advance the toys, snacks, books and activities to occupy the children. This is to maintain my husband’s and my sanity while driving. We used to play ‘I spy with my little eye’ together as a family and the children would have an entertaining time guessing the object they spot from their surroundings. Now that they are older, more stimulating games are needed. Recently, I recalled the divergent thinking games I played with my students in a class on creative problem solving. These games are perfect for the long car rides and they foster collaborative learning too.

What is Divergent Thinking?

Divergent thinking is the ability to come up with multiple ideas/solutions to a problem. It is explorative in nature and encourages wild ideas. Although it does not equal creativity, divergent thinking is often used as an indicator of an individual’s creativity because coming up with multiple new ideas is a creative process that often leads to unique solutions and ideas. To develop creative and innovative thinkers, divergent thinking is definitely a skill we want our children to have.

The opposite of divergent thinking is convergent thinking, which is the ability to evaluate and identify one single/best solution to a problem. In formal schooling, we see a lot of convergent thinking taking place. Children are taught to get at the right answer in Math, Science, and even comprehension exercises. While convergent thinking develops critical and analytical thinking, there is a need for balance with divergent thinking. If the school environment does not provide enough opportunities for children to practise divergent thinking, is it any wonder that children grow up not being able to think out of the box?

The nature of divergent thinking games is to have prompts or problems that are open-ended, allowing for multiple ideas and solutions. Here are 3 games you can try playing at your next car ride.

#1 What Can This Be Used For?

Pack along a few objects and pass them around in the car, one at a time. As a family, take turns to share one possible use of them. To make it more fun, pick unusual objects where their uses may not be obvious to the kids.

Examples: Paper clip; rolled up butcher sheets; cup; flower pot; bag sealer; massager; door stopper; and nail filer.

Bag Sealer
Head Massager
Foam door stoppers

Say: “this roll can be used as…” A roll of butcher sheets can be used as a baseball bat, a walking stick or a balance beam. Let your child imagine the roll changing in quantity, size, or length. Putting many rolls together can form a raft, a bed or the roof of a house. Children can imagine it as a long pole that serves as a pillar, for pole vaulting, or a tool to clean windows.

#2 Brainstorming Using Open-Ended Prompts

Get your kids to brainstorm as many ideas as they can based on open-ended prompts.

Examples

  • Plan the most outrageous birthday party. Where will it be? When will you hold it? What food and activities will you have?
  • How many ways can you think of to get an elephant into an apartment on the 10th floor?
  • If you could build an underwater palace, what materials will you use? Why?
  • If you could create the best backpack in the world, what special features would you want it to have? Why? (Anything is possible and the most funky idea wins!)

#3 Collaborative Story-Telling

Start a story, then have each family member add a line to develop the story. It’s good to set some rules for the game such as: the storyline can be wacky or weird but they must still make sense. The language must be polite. Nothing rude and no personal attack on their siblings.

Eg. Once, there was an unfriendly boy who didn’t have any friends…

To up the ante, prepare a few slips of paper with random words. As the story progresses, give out the slips to the children and they need to include the word in their storyline.


I hope you find these games useful and share with others.

References

  1. De Bono E, Zimbalist E. Lateral Thinking. Penguin; 1970
  2. Runco MA, Acar S. Divergent Thinking as an Indicator of Creative Potential. Creativity Research Journal. Published online January 2012:66-75. doi:10.1080/10400419.2012.652929
  3. Li Pamela, Divergent Thinking – 9 Powerful Ways To Nurture Your Child’s Creativity, updated on Apr 30, 2022, parentingforbrain.com

5 Ways To Grow Your Child’s Character Strengths

‘Arghhh!’ C moaned and writhed in agony on the floor, like a wounded animal. That’s how dramatic my son gets when he is frustrated with getting his Math questions wrong. I had pointed out his mistake in calculation and asked him to redo a Math sum, for the third time. Each time I made him check and redo the question, I could feel his temperature rise.

The third correction hit his threshold and he rolled about on the floor, refusing to get up. That’s when I evoked his strength of perseverance.

“You are a persevering boy, remember?” I said.

C became quiet at the crossroads– give up or continue?

As I helped him up, I added, “I’ll walk you through the question. You can do it.” Though he was reluctant, he picked up his pencil and followed my workings to arrive at the answer.

After the Math homework was done, he was visibly pleased with himself.

For the past two weeks, my conversations with my two older kids revolved around topics to help them spot and grow character strengths. After doing the VIA Character Strengths Survey (see my previous post on this), they each have some knowledge of what their own strengths are. However, these may be their innate strengths. There needs to be daily opportunities to exercise and improve on them, as well as grow new ones.

To help children apply and grow their character strengths, here are 5 things you can do.

1. Explicitly call out strengths to overcome daily challenges

We can identify and call out specific strengths our child has and can tap on to overcome his challenges. For instance, on a day when your child feels unmotivated to do his school work, highlight self-regulation and encourage him get it done anyway (regardless of how he is feeling). Or perhaps, use his creativity to come up with a fun method that can motivate him to complete his work.  

2. Affirm strengths when you see them in action

Nothing motivates children more than praise. When we see them do something good and affirm them, it strengthens the good behaviour. So actively spot your child’s strengths in the things they do and praise them.

3. Create Visual Reminders

Create a Visual Reminder that lists your child’s top 5 strengths. Try to use pictures or get your child to draw his own visual representation. Visual reminders are much more effective than verbal ones, as visuals are both more memorable and increases the attention span. I made letter boards for my children and placed them by their bedside. Whenever they see their list of strengths, these strengths become more ingrained as part of their identity. Whenever they encounter a problem, I point to the board and invite them to think about how a strength may be applied to their problem.

4. Provide opportunities to grow the lesser strengths

Whatever character strength you would like to grow in your child, create opportunities for them to exercise those strengths. To grow leadership, let them make some decisions that impact the family, or task them to guide younger children in games. Research has shown that the transcendence strengths (appreciation of beauty & excellence , gratitude , hope , humor , and spirituality) lead to increased satisfaction with life. These strengths connect us to a larger universe and provide meaning. So some time ago, I started to intentionally grow gratitude.  A nightly ritual was introduced where my family lists one thing we are grateful for that day. Whenever the kids say they have a bad day, we try even harder to find some silver lining that we can be thankful for.

It is also good to ask our children for their views on the lesser strengths they wish to develop and how they can do that. This will increase their intrinsic motivation. Writing them down and setting out an action plan will help them be more committed. My son would like to be braver. He is afraid of the dark, of the sea, of anything unknown. We have a night light in his bedroom. The challenge he set is to make the night light dimmer gradually until one day, he can sleep in the dark.

5. Use Reflective Questions to Grow Awareness and Spur Positive Action

Reflection helps children make sense of their experiences. When they describe their experiences retrospectively, they get to process their actions, motivations and belief systems. I use various reflective questions in our conversations. These questions are also meant to trigger thoughts about what could be done differently and how they could grow their strengths. Make sure you give sufficient time and not rush through these conversations. Click here to get my conversation topics for free.

Conversation topics to grow character strengths

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Tap On Character Strengths To Help Our Children Thrive

Growing up is hard.
School is hard.

Besides all the academic things they need to grasp every day, children navigate an increasingly complex social landscape to make friends and resolve conflicts.

All of us thrive due to our strengths, not our weaknesses. Children especially, need to know their own strengths in order to gain positive self-esteem and confidence to overcome daily challenges.

Research has shown that a strengths-based approach to parenting builds resilience in children. When parents deliberately identify and nurture their child’s positive attributes and qualities, it helps them create a ‘positive filter’ that makes them more able to cope with and adapt to stress. How it does this is that children tap consciously on their strengths to deal with the challenges they are facing. For instance, if a child is struggling to pass Math, he can tap on his strength of ‘Bravery’ to face Math head on. He can also tap his strength of ‘Optimism’ to look on the bright side of things in order to deal with stress.

If children are conscious of their own strengths, they are also more likely to recognise strengths in others, leading to more harmonious relationships.

In order to help children tap on their strengths, they first need to be aware of what these strengths are. School going children are still forming their self-identity and often require adults around them to validate their strengths are based on observations. However, when adults praise children for strengths we observe in them, they may be skeptical, wondering if we are objective or if we have a hidden agenda.

That is where the VIA Character Strengths Survey is useful. It is a scientifically valid, peer-reviewed tool that helps children to focus on their strengths. The youth version is suitable for ages 8 to 17 and is widely used in schools today. What is great about the survey is that it is descriptive and not prescriptive. The children reads a description and decides if it is ‘very much like them’ or ‘not like them’.
Eg. I don’t boast about what I achieve.
Eg.  I think that life is very exciting.

As the questions describe how the children respond to situations in daily life, children are more convinced by the strengths shown in the results.

About Character Strengths

The 24 character strengths identified came from the studies of Dr. Martin Seligman and Dr. Neil Mayerson (Peterson & Seligman, 2004). These character strengths are universally valued, meaning they are valued in all cultures. Decades of research has increased our understanding of character strengths. Firstly, character strengths are positive traits all humans posses. We each possess all 24 of these strengths in different degrees and combinations. For example, one person may be high in expressing their strength of bravery, whereas another person may be more moderate in expressing it. Secondly, we flourish when we identify and flex our strengths. People who express their character strengths tend to be less stressed, more engaged,  and happier with life.

Thirdly, these strengths are learnable! Character strengths are not like personality traits that remain relatively stable over time. Our strengths can change and develop over time. It depends on which strength we choose to focus on and develop.

In the strengths profile, your child will find a ranking of all 24 character strengths with his most-used strengths at the top, and his less-used strengths toward the bottom. By the way, all 24-character strengths matter—no one strength is more important than another.
Do the survey here.

I planned a family activity using the survey to raise my children’s awareness of the family’s strengths and promote bonding. Here’s what I did.

Family Bonding Activity

1. Do the Survey as a Family

On one of our weekly Friday Family Time, I got my 2 older children and husband to do the online survey. I already did the survey in advance so that I could guide the kids if they didn’t understand a survey question. Everyone had a really fun time deciding if a description fitted them. Once they submitted the survey, their free, downloadable strengths profile was generated. I then wrote down the top 5 strengths of each family member on paper.

2. Discuss the Strength Definitions

Next, my husband and children took some time to read their own profile and asked questions about what each strength meant. Clarifying what a strength looked like in different contexts was important in consolidating understanding. My husband and I listed examples when a strength needed more clarification. For example, my son didn’t get what ‘perseverance’ meant. We explained that he showed perseverance when he completed his math even though he got frustrated and wanted to give up many times. He showed perseverance too when he repeated an online game several times in order to move on to the next level.

3. Affirm Each Other’s Strengths

This was the most meaningful segment. We took turns to share our top 5 strengths and affirmed one another by listing more examples of where we saw those strengths exhibited. My daughter S, was surprised that ‘Self-Regulation’ was one of her top five as she felt she was ill-disciplined when it came to her school work. However, the definition of ‘Self-Regulation’ included the ability to control feelings and emotions. As a calm child who is slow to anger, my husband and I took the chance to validate her in that area. The survey also confirmed her hunch that social intelligence was one of her top strengths. She had lots of friends and could engage people of all ages in conversation easily.

It was very encouraging when the children affirmed their parents’ strengths just as we affirmed theirs. We also noticed that ‘Fairness’ was a top strength in the all the family members. That led to more conversation about what fairness meant to us and where we wished we would see more fairness in the family and in society.

4. Stress the Value of Knowing Out Strengths

I needed to bring the children to the main objective of the activity – to appreciate character strengths and tap on them in daily life. So, to bring the session to a close, I asked my children to share why they thought it might be good for them to know their own strengths. Each of us then shared some situations where we felt our strengths have helped us.

Finally, I highlighted two key messages that I hope they would take to heart:

One. God made them special and unique. They shouldn’t compare themselves with others or feel bad about qualities they don’t have. God has a special purpose for them in this world.

Two. They should use their strengths to help themselves and others. When they encounter challenges, tap on their strengths to overcome them. They can also develop the lesser strengths they would like.

Aristotle says that ‘knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.’ I hope that in my children’s journey to know themselves, they learn to shape themselves too.

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