“What reward do I get for finishing the revision work?” C asked about the revision work I had set him. At home, other than regular homework set by the school, I often set him revision work for each subject using assessments bought in book stores.
Whenever my son asks this kind of “what’s in it for me” question, I know it is a work he dislikes. There is little motivation for him to do it. So what will you do as a mother? Will you explain to him the importance of regular revision to achieve good results? Or will you give him the reward his asks for once he finishes the work?
Conventional wisdom suggests that parents should use more intrinsic motivation instead of extrinsic motivation to help children achieve their goals. This is because intrinsic motivation gives one a greater sense of autonomy and satisfaction. One pursues an activity because he finds enjoyment in it and sees it as an opportunity to learn, and actualize his potential.
But seriously, how many children have the maturity and foresight to appreciate long term outcomes like better jobs and better health when even adults struggle with it? This is why the article I read recently, ‘Focus on right now, not the distant future for long-term health goals’ by Kaitlin Woolley and Paul Stillman, has given me fresh insights about why short-term rewards work. In a nutshell, focus on immediate, short-term rewards to motivate children to work towards long term goals.
The article got me thinking about the issue of motivation. For a child who naturally enjoys drawing, it is not difficult to find the (intrinsic) motivation to learn more difficult techniques and practice regularly. However, there are many things that children find dull and tedious in school and at home but still need to do them. A child may hate Math but he can’t escape from doing regular practices to master the concepts taught. A child may hate a household chore but still needs to get it done. Finding the motivation to complete necessary but unenjoyable tasks is a life skill that can be carried to adulthood.
My son finds piano practice a drudgery, however, music is a really good pursuit to teach children discipline and the importance of daily effort. Each time he mastered a piece of music, there is satisfaction in seeing the results of his labour. Nevertheless, it does not mean he has developed a passion for music. This year, I plan to motivate C more to do the tasks he needs to complete with better immediate rewards. He understands the benefits and rationale behind the things he needs to do. However, getting good results at the year-end is a goal too far away for a 10-year-old to appreciate. Getting 30mins extra screen time though, for completing 10 extra Math sums is near enough to tantalise him. He is putting on weight. But who knows how many weeks of exercise it will take for him to lose 1 kg? He is more motivated to run 2km with Mummy if he gets a reward right after.
I tend to be punitive, like cutting screen time if he doesn’t finish a set task. That really upsets C. He would be in a totally bad mood as he drags his feet to get to work. So I hope to shift away from consequences and punishments, instead, use more rewards and praise to motivate him.
We’ve had a conversation about what would motivate him for different tasks. It’s a collaborative process. At our rewards chart, we agree that he gets a star for tasks he complete. When he has accumulated 30 stars, he gets a prize. He gets extra credits when he puts in extra practice at the piano longer that the expected duration, does extra household chores or exercise. Since he loves Pokemon cards, figurines, lego and online games, these can be set as rewards. I’ve also encouraged him to negotiate with Mummy if a task set is too much to handle, or whether he needs more time etc. This is so that he sees the tasks as achievable instead of impossible.
Deep down, every child wants to do well. However, it is hard to put in the work to achieve success. And when a child tastes success, I’ve learnt that we must intentionally point to their effort and affirm the methods so that the child maintains momentum. That is why parents are also coaches who design a coaching plan that can work with their child. I hope you too can find it easier to motivate your child with an ‘Immediate Rewards’ plan.